God made me this way?

I decided to cut and past a bit of an online post I wrote. I have been baffled over and over again by some peoples attitudes towards their or their child's (especially their child's) disability. While I understand those that hate the world and everything in it, I can not understand those who grab onto the disability as if it were a gift from God. As if being unique in a deforming way somehow makes them better and more loved by Him. I have seen postings from parents who swear they would NOT cure their child of their deformity (like Spinabifida) if they could. As if by alleving their child of the burden and pain somehow erases who they are. While MOST of these parents or individuals have been crippled for life and do not grasp a life free of it, it still is a puzzle to me. Just recently a dad asked about how to respond to curious onlookers about his child's disability and several suggested responses were similar to "God made me this way." That response may work for eye color, skin color, or height (though I still prefer the science answer) I will never agree that God personally disabled me, or my siblings, just like I would not think he GAVE my grandpa his stroke. Anywho, here is my thoughts:

I am a Christian. I attend church most every Sunday (health allowing) and study the Gospel often. It is my strong belief that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me personally and Jesus Christ is my Savior. I, however, do not believe God MADE me crippled. I see my MD (as well as all the other physical/mental struggles not brought on by personal choice) as what they are, flaws. Oh sure God is aware of them and he COULD have prevented them but he allowed this flaw to occur and since I have it I will find lessons and silver linings in it. I see the human DNA being like a photocopy of a photocopy where things start to get smudged and unreadable here and there. Is it the person pushing the "copy" button making those flaws or a result of the multiple copies and he is just not fixing them as they occur? I prefer to look at the science, the genetics, and understand what caused this flaw rather the say that it was Gods will. These things happen because of our earthy existence. I find the thought of my God, the one that loves me and desires my love in return, specifically making my broken and aching body so....wrong. He wouldn't. Last example as I try to put this into words (mostly for myself). While you may allow a child to touch a hot object to learn a lesson you would never grab their hand and force them to touch it. My life has brought me to a difficult place, but God was not the one to personally put me here. And He IS the one who is comforting me and encouraging me as I struggle through it. I would never want my children to see me on a bad day and think it was God's hand that did it. I know it wasn't.



my ramblings on little sleep.


Jen